Caitlynn Strunk

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It’s Finally Over

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Her days seemed never ending. Her pain seemed to last forever. The demons in her head cursed at her every day. “How could someone love you?”, they’d say. “How can someone as ugly and worthless, like you, ever be loved?” At night was when she wanted to give in. At night is when she felt weak. The thoughts of all her pain being over, gave her this feelings she could never explain. A feeling of peace and happiness. Two things she had so longed to feel. The demons opened a door for her. An escape. She knew it would be the easier path. She knew it was her way out. She edged closer and closer to the door, until finally, she stepped over the edge. With tears rolling down her face, she realized it was soon to be over. A smile crossed her face. Something she had became so wonderful at faking, had finally became real. She got closer and closer to the ground, when her life started to flash before her eyes. She seen her dad hovering over her lifeless body, screaming and crying. She saw her mom laying in the floor, holding the suicide note she had wrote so long ago. She seen her younger brothers and sister, standing at the doorway, with confusion written across their faces. She saw all the people attend her funeral. She saw her classmates take a minute of silence for her as they cried. She saw how over the years, her family had broke apart. How some of her close friends, themselves, had turned to cutting and drugs. She finally seen something the demons had blinded her from seeing before. She finally seen she was loved..

She opened her eyes to a blur. She heard faint cries. *beep. beep. beep*

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Finding Myself

I grew so attached to you. I let my life become all about you. And I was fine with that. I was happy. Then you left me. Heart broken and unwilling to live. It’s like I was punched in the throat. All the air in my lungs was gone. You left me unable to breath. It’s like my whole world was gone. I wasn’t sure what to do. I couldn’t move. The pain was so unbearable. I see you living your life. Happy and carefree. It’s like I never existed. You just moved forward without looking back. You was the one that caused me all the pain, yet you’re the one able to breath? How was that fair? All I wanted was you. To make you happy. To make you smile. I wasted so much time trying to be the best me for you, I forgot to be the best me for me. It’s my time. It’s my time to figure out who I am. What I want. What makes me happy. I can’t rely on you to be my happiness anymore. Only I can make myself truly happy. And I’m not gonna stop until I am.

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